Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, and all you Kool-aid drinkers:
We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the actions of and since the last election have made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations. However, this relationship is now dysfunctional and has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what’s right for America. Therefore, let’s just end it on friendly terms. We’ll simply chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
You get your biased liberal media – CNN, CBS, NBC, ABC, NY Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, Associated Press, Newsweek, Time, and Air America – or what’s left of it. With this liberal media come all the distorted truths, lies, cover-ups, leg tingles, bias reporting, slanted stories, and all the Kool-Aid you can drink. We’ll take Fox News, Rush, Hannity, Readers Digest, Wall Street Journal, and all that is left of the media’s integrity. You won’t miss the integrity, as your media gave that up about 30 years ago.
The land division can also go the way the Red/Blue portions of the map voted on election day. You libs get all of Detroit, Philly, Chicago, East LA, NYC, San Francisco, New Orleans, Wash DC, and Trenton, NJ. I’ve been to Trenton and that is definitely a keeper for your side. You also get all their crime, murders, welfare, drug problems, high taxes, and democrats that run these places. We’ll take the fly over country, rural areas, working neighborhoods, and suburbs of middle America. Texas is also ours, as we like God and America down here. Since you seem to like neither, you should not mind.
Since you libs have no use for God, religion, the NRA, or the military, we’ll gladly take them. The police too, as we like to have law and order on our side. You get the ACLU, all of the personal injury lawyers, PETA, the UN, the NOW gang, Scientology, tree huggers, Oprah, Michael Moore, Rosie O’Donnell, hippies, illegal aliens, and all the global warming nuts. We’ll have our churches and faith as we support the military and police as they do their tasks. Tell the UN we won’t miss them, and we won’t be paying their bill anymore.
We’ll also take those things that symbolize America – the flag, the Eagle, George Washington, and Abe Lincoln. Since you have Clinton and Obama, why would you need anything else?
You will definitely want to get rid of all those nasty polluting coal and lignite fired power plants too. We’ll gladly take them, and the cheap power they produce. You can replace the cheap electricity they made with windmills, solar panels, and hot air turbines powered by Obama’s promises. We’ll pay an average of $100/month in electric bills from the coal fired generation. You will pay at least $500/month for your wind or solar power – when you have power, which won’t be much of the time. We’ll have our AC, cold beer, and Direct HDTV for the Super Bowl and March madness basketball games next year. Good luck with your power grid – you’ll need it. We’ll tell you who won the championship games.
You also get to rid yourself of the oil companies, Wal-Mart, drug makers, all gun and ammo manufacturers, and Sarah Palin’s Alaska. We’ll take ‘em. We don’t demonize big oil, low consumer prices, big drug, the 2nd Amendment, and a good looking governor. You get all the bicycle shops, Rodeo Drive stores, health food emporiums, diversity training classes, and anything else run by a 60 year old guy with a pony tail. We also claim the SUV’s, pickup trucks, and big luxury cars. You can have every Subaru station wagon and Volvo you can find.
Of course you will want the unions, along with all the pluses they bring. Ask GM, Ford, Chrysler, US Steel, and other big unionized businesses how that has worked out for them over the last 40 years. We’ll take the small business people and all the right to work states. You don’t like them anyway, so we’ll take them off your hands.
We’ll also take whatever is left of Wall Street and the big banks after Obama and the democrat congress get through ripping them to shreds. We’ll have them make loans to people that can afford to pay them back. You can have your personal piggybanks – Fanny and Freedy. Now it will be your tax money that is thrown down a black hole.
This divorce decree is fair to both sides. It would seem that the divisions are pretty accurate, and that you should be happy with all that you got, and more importantly, with what you can get rid of. Just sign at the bottom and have the ACLU notarize it for you.
Michael J. Schwartz
Longview, Texas
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Aug
10
2009
I Want a Divorce
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by Michael J. Schwartz
August 10, 2009
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, and all you Kool-aid drinkers:
We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the actions of and since the last election have made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations. However, this relationship is now dysfunctional and has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what’s right for America. Therefore, let’s just end it on friendly terms. We’ll simply chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
You get your biased liberal media – CNN, CBS, NBC, ABC, NY Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, Associated Press, Newsweek, Time, and Air America – or what’s left of it. With this liberal media come all the distorted truths, lies, cover-ups, leg tingles, bias reporting, slanted stories, and all the Kool-Aid you can drink. We’ll take Fox News, Rush, Hannity, Readers Digest, Wall Street Journal, and all that is left of the media’s integrity. You won’t miss the integrity, as your media gave that up about 30 years ago.
The land division can also go the way the Red/Blue portions of the map voted on election day. You libs get all of Detroit, Philly, Chicago, East LA, NYC, San Francisco, New Orleans, Wash DC, and Trenton, NJ. I’ve been to Trenton and that is definitely a keeper for your side. You also get all their crime, murders, welfare, drug problems, high taxes, and democrats that run these places. We’ll take the fly over country, rural areas, working neighborhoods, and suburbs of middle America. Texas is also ours, as we like God and America down here. Since you seem to like neither, you should not mind.
Since you libs have no use for God, religion, the NRA, or the military, we’ll gladly take them. The police too, as we like to have law and order on our side. You get the ACLU, all of the personal injury lawyers, PETA, the UN, the NOW gang, Scientology, tree huggers, Oprah, Michael Moore, Rosie O’Donnell, hippies, illegal aliens, and all the global warming nuts. We’ll have our churches and faith as we support the military and police as they do their tasks. Tell the UN we won’t miss them, and we won’t be paying their bill anymore.
We’ll also take those things that symbolize America – the flag, the Eagle, George Washington, and Abe Lincoln. Since you have Clinton and Obama, why would you need anything else?
You will definitely want to get rid of all those nasty polluting coal and lignite fired power plants too. We’ll gladly take them, and the cheap power they produce. You can replace the cheap electricity they made with windmills, solar panels, and hot air turbines powered by Obama’s promises. We’ll pay an average of $100/month in electric bills from the coal fired generation. You will pay at least $500/month for your wind or solar power – when you have power, which won’t be much of the time. We’ll have our AC, cold beer, and Direct HDTV for the Super Bowl and March madness basketball games next year. Good luck with your power grid – you’ll need it. We’ll tell you who won the championship games.
You also get to rid yourself of the oil companies, Wal-Mart, drug makers, all gun and ammo manufacturers, and Sarah Palin’s Alaska. We’ll take ‘em. We don’t demonize big oil, low consumer prices, big drug, the 2nd Amendment, and a good looking governor. You get all the bicycle shops, Rodeo Drive stores, health food emporiums, diversity training classes, and anything else run by a 60 year old guy with a pony tail. We also claim the SUV’s, pickup trucks, and big luxury cars. You can have every Subaru station wagon and Volvo you can find.
Of course you will want the unions, along with all the pluses they bring. Ask GM, Ford, Chrysler, US Steel, and other big unionized businesses how that has worked out for them over the last 40 years. We’ll take the small business people and all the right to work states. You don’t like them anyway, so we’ll take them off your hands.
We’ll also take whatever is left of Wall Street and the big banks after Obama and the democrat congress get through ripping them to shreds. We’ll have them make loans to people that can afford to pay them back. You can have your personal piggybanks – Fanny and Freedy. Now it will be your tax money that is thrown down a black hole.
This divorce decree is fair to both sides. It would seem that the divisions are pretty accurate, and that you should be happy with all that you got, and more importantly, with what you can get rid of. Just sign at the bottom and have the ACLU notarize it for you.
Michael J. Schwartz
Longview, Texas
No related posts.
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